shitmotherfuckerfuckingshit situation

Finally I got an email yesterday afternoon. I can’t even tell if it’s good news or not. I’m admitted, but the school starts in April next year. Well, next YEAR, instead of next month. That’s got a whole lot difference in it. Well, honestly I don’t even know how to start explaining this, cos really I can’t fucking believe this. My friend asked me if we better be happy or sad, well I know that I’m sad, I’m devastated. I’ve been waiting and waiting and BAM! another 8 months. That’s 10 months in total. That’s another Christmas, another new year, another valentine’s day, another fucking birthday, well it can almost make a baby for fuck’s sake. You know what, I think I’m going to have my worst birthday, Christmas, new year and valentine’s day ever in a row. Sweet. Any occasions left? Just add them in my list. And with these blackouts in here, why don’t they just kill me.

Let’s see how I worked on the news. I was crushed, beaten up and jaded by the news, I sat there and read it over and over I didn’t know how many times I read the goddamn email, wishing something’s wrong with my eyes. I did cry, like a baby some would say. Yea, I cried a river. You know what, I can’t even be happy for the fact that I’m admitted to the damn school. I just don’t feel it. In fact, I don’t even feel like I’ve believed it anyway. I woke up this morning and the first thing that crossed my mind was “8 months” and then I divided it into two which was 4 months ‘til December and another 4 months ‘til April. I don’t even know why I did that. How fucked up was I?

You know what, that 8-month-long road down there, it’s scary. I’m going down there alone and for the first time in my life, I’m feeling this kind of lonely and scared. Yes, I’m fucked up big time.