Changes

So what’s changed? I know something’s changed here. With me, with the place, with the people. I know I’m not as pensive as I used to be, it’s just an empty air in the head this time around. I guess that’s what monotony does to you. It’s killing you softly. =P

When you know someone for a long time, I guess you tend to really get used to him till a point you don’t even realize when you’ve crossed the line or even hurt him. Sometimes, people do that cos by nature, they just feel so comfortable or are too tolerated by their close ones they could so easily fail to heed their feelings. But when it comes to strangers, I guess mostly what you do is solely trying your ass off not to hurt anyone. That’s what I’ve been doing lately. Well, not just lately, indeed it feels like it’s never-ending.

You know, it’s like you’re being too careful and watchful and vigilant and what have you whereas usually, it just happens during the first three days of your getting to know each other, or a week, top. After that, when you feel like you’ve known him quite well, you stop paying too much attention on the formality and start grasping the real you. I think that’s the process of how normally people get know and close to each other. Which by the way, I think the part where you think you have to save your face in front of new people just bcos you think you just know them is actually ridiculous where suddenly after just three days, you, again, think that you’ve known each other for quite long so you’ve got no any other face to save anymore. See, my point is, it all happens in your mind only, where you think it is, or you think it’s not, cos what makes us feel comfortable with each other is not in how well you know them, but it’s in how connected you are. That’s why sometimes people just click. And I miss that.

So how it’s going to be when there’s no one around you can click with is pretty much the same as the reenactment of your getting to know each other that happens every.single.fucking.day.
You’re pretty much numb by the end of the day. T.T

You know, there was this one time where I just got to know these four people from school, and it was actually kind of amazing how I could feel like I was perfectly engaged with all them at the same time. Apparently, that particular kind of thing does not just happen every day. That was three years ago and it didn’t last for more than half a year, but what I realize is that at least, I clicked with each one of them in each different way at that very moment, and that it was ruined by something else I didn’t have my hands on. I’m thankful to have crossed path with them and I can’t even claim to regret something that I’ve lost sight of why it happened. So I’ll just leave it at that, on how it leaves me down to reminisce and miss.

It's how it used to be.

It was my 16^th birthday and they had a surprise for me. And that was the birthday dance. ^__^

I miss home. And I really mean it. Unlike any other ‘I miss home’ you’ve read everywhere, which is either a mute point or that it’s just so redundant cos it’s everywhere, I miss home. It all came to me when I was gazing at my wallpaper, where there I was on the road, in that familiar traffic, trapped in the jam, with that very typical lame chat my best friend and I had on the front seats. I miss home and every bit of it.

Okay now I know I haven’t updated in a long time. I have a reason though. If I say that I’ve been busy with school and all the assignments, it’ll sound a lot like crap, so I won’t. If I say I had nothing to write about other than crap, it’ll sound a lot more like crap cos most of the time I write crap here. Okay, I have a more convincing reason, that is why.

I just moved to a new house! Yay!!